from fatshion to fashion, or something like that

9:40 AM Unknown 1 Comments

I've looked at clothes from both sides now, 
From fat and thick, to (semi) fit, and still somehow
It's 70's fashion, I recall
I still (mostly) don't know, fashion at all.

Yes, I just made up my own lyrics to Joni Mitchell's "Both Sides Now". Don't judge me. Moving right on...

When I was fat, I didn't really have a fashion voice. My fatshion was anything that fit, didn't show my stomach and pretty much stuck to black. I admire this new wave of fashion where Ashley Graham is rocking out as a size 16 and fatkinis are being sold. I love all the beautiful woman not caring what size they are but rocking the crop top and loving their bodies. I wish that could have been me. Buying clothes has always been one of the hardest things for me. When my best friend in junior high was a gorgeous girl with blonde hair, blue eyes, with perfect abs who rocked a size 00. I barely needed a bra and was already a size 13. Needless to say shopping wasn't fun. Also I grew up in the last 90's where fashion went from jnco jeans to the huge Abercrombie boom. So did I really have a chance?

I also grew up stealing my brothers basketball jerseys and wrestling shirts and had no idea about anything clothes related. It really wasn't until I met my friend Ashley that I started asserting my opinions and likes about who I was and how I dressed. Shes another gorgeous blonde, tiny and curvy and just about one of the nicest people you'll ever meet.  So shopping with her became fun. I was a size 18 but she always encouraged to wear cute things and pick what I like and made me feel like no one would laugh at me. That's a huge gift. Love you girl! So shopping with her I started to realize I loved the boho, hippie look. I loved flowy tops, bracelets, anything with leggings, and cute boots. 

I started trading in my khakis and polos for embroidered tops, long necklaces and soft leather over the knee boots. I didn't just wear preppy clothes though. Sometimes I hid behind the revealing outfits, showing my cleavage off and wearing tight things to accentuate my breasts so I could pretend people didn't notice the fat girl behind them. I had convinced myself that if I just was sexy or showing off my butt in a tight dress they would only notice that. Besides any attention is good attention right? Definitely not. I've always been lucky I have had a huge personality to go along with my ass (some say I can be an ass...makes sense) so I didn't always rely on a cheap look to get a second look. 

Actually I have been fairly lucky in love and bfs and never dated a chubby chaser. Plus JoeyWaffles met me at my heaviest and has loved and supported me every step of my health journey so that's been amazing. So having an amazingly sexy, confident, smart, funny, and all around amazing bf has given me a huge confidence boost. When I started dating JoeyWaffles I naturally just started being modest which was kind of a big deal for me. But I finally understand that I didn't want to flaunt my goods because I wanted them to just be for him. That doesn't mean I stopped trying to look good but it meant I got to look good for me. He loves me no matter what I wear and can't tell the difference between my Hanes string bikinis or my Victoria's Secret Very Sexy panties. Really that just means I get to save money on lingerie and have more to spend on shoes and clothes and purses!

As I went shopping this weekend at Forever 21, inspired by one of my favorite IG accounts @thesweattybetty who bought some shorts there, I found a ton of great things. I bought a romper I am slightly obsessed with and cannot wait to wear this summer. It has elephants! Adorable elephants! I also grabbed a maxi dress, 3 cute tops, and a long necklace. I was really hesitant about being a Coachella wannabe but when I tried on the flowered headbands I totally fell in love. So I ended up with two. As Carolyn G knows, I have been wanting a floppy brown hat and finally found the perfect one!! My friend Laura was my virtual shopping buddy and I texted her pics of what I was trying on for a second opinion and she was amazing! I ended up getting everything for $105. That was good for my self, wealth, and definitely mental health!

Forever 21 is a pretty overwhelming store but knowing who I am and what I like helps me navigate it's chaos. Getting to really love clothes and express myself is something I couldn't do a few years ago. Losing the weight has made me find out who I am and how I want to express myself. I love a good pair of skinny jeans, a cute top, layered maybe with something flowery or colorful, and a great pair of boots. Cowboy or over the knee have been my favorites but sometimes you can't go wrong with a good pair of riding boots. I love sundresses, cute sandals, anything lace and cream colored, stacked bracelets, and long necklaces, Basically I want to be 70's Stevie Nicks. 

So what has inspired you? What's your fashion? Did you ever have to find your fashion voice and were you excited when you did?